Monthly Archives: March 2008

A Teenager’s Response to Rep. Sally Kern’s Hatred

 From the Unitarian Interweave list:

The aunt of an Oklahoma high school senior writes:

Today my nephew attempted to deliver a letter to Sally Kern but was stopped by a highway patrolman. With his permission I am distributing the letter to all news stations and thought I would include it here.

Maybe we can all stand to learn a listen from this smart, loving, young man. He more than most has reason to hate. He lost his mother, my sister, in the Murrah Building bombing.

Elizabeth

He writes:

Rep Kern:

On April 19, 1995, in Oklahoma City a terrorist detonated a bomb that killed my mother and 167 others.  19 children died that day. Had I not had the chicken pox that day, the body count would likely have included one more.  Over 800 other Oklahomans were injured that day and many of those still suffer through their permanent wounds.

That terrorist was neither a homosexual or was he involved in Islam.
He was an extremist Christian forcing his views through a body count.
He held his beliefs and made those who didn’t live up to them paid with their lives.

As you were not a resident of Oklahoma on that day, it could be explained why you so carelessly chose words saying that the homosexual agenda is worst than terrorism. I can most certainly tell you through my own experience that is not true. I am sure there are many people in your voting district that laid a loved one to death after the terrorist attack on Oklahoma City.  I kind of doubt you’ll find one of them that will agree with you.

I was five years old when my mother died. I remember what a beautiful, wise, and remarkable woman she was.  I miss her.  Your harsh words and misguided beliefs brought me to tears, because you told me that my mother’s killer was a better person than a group of people that are seeking safety and tolerance for themselves.

As someone left motherless and victimized by terrorists, I say to you very clearly you are absolutely wrong.

You represent a district in Oklahoma City and you very coldly express a lack of love, sympathy or understanding for what they’ve been through.  Can I ask if you might have chosen wiser words were you a real Oklahoman who was here to share the suffering with Oklahoma City?
Might your heart be a bit less cold had you been around to see the small bodies of children being pulled out of rubble and carried away by weeping firemen?

I’ve spent 12 years in Oklahoma public schools and never once have I had anyone try to force a gay agenda on me. I have seen, however, many gay students beat up and there’s never a day in school that has went by when I haven’t heard the word **** slung at someone.  I’ve been called gay slurs many times and they hurt and I am not even gay so I can just imagine how a real gay person feels. You were a school teacher and you have seen those things too. How could you care so little about the suffering of some of your students?

Let me tell you the result of your words in my school. Every openly gay and suspected gay in the school were having to walk together Monday for protection.  They looked scared.  They’ve already experienced enough hate and now your words gave other students even more motivation to sneer at them and call them names. Afterall, you are a teacher and a lawmaker; many young people have taken your words to heart.  That happens when you assume a role of responsibility in your community. I seriously think before this week ends that some kids here will be going home bruised and bloody because of what you said.

I wish you could’ve met my mom.  Maybe she could’ve guided you in how a real Christian should be acting and speaking.

I have not had a mother for nearly 13 years now and wonder if there were fewer people like you around, people with more love and tolerance in their hearts instead of strife, if my mom would be here to watch me graduate from high school this spring.  Now she won’t be there. So I’ll be packing my things and leaving Oklahoma to go to college elsewhere and one day be a writer and I have no intentions to ever return here.  I have no doubt that people like you will incite crazy people to build more bombs and kill more people again.  I don’t want to be here for that.  I just can’t go through that again.

You may just see me as a kid, but let me try to teach you something.
The old saying is sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you.  Well, your words hurt me.  Your words disrespected the memory of my mom.

Your words can cause others to pick up sticks and stones and hurt others.

Sincerely

Tucker

Gays, Muslims, and Rep. Sally Kern

This is what Rep. Sally Kern has to say about gays and Muslims. Watch our community’s smart response.

Kern insults Muslims as well as the LGBT community. She is a very scared woman lashing out at those she wishes to demonize in order to make herself and her “kind” look better. And who is her “kind?” Unfortunately for the decent Christians in this country, it is followers of Christ–like Kerns.

Pass it on to other folks. We need to expose every “Sally Kern” in this country.

Evangelicals Lie About Gay Marriage

James Dobson’s Focus on the Family, a right-wing evangelical group, figures that it has enough power and money that it can lie and get away with it. To a certain extent it is true. One of his so-called “researchers,” Glenn Stanton, released a paper in early March 2008 distorting the American Anthropological Association’s (AAA) stance on marriage.

In the release, Stanton, an employee of Focus in the Family who does not identify himself as an anthropologist, claims “a family is a unit that draws from the two types of humanity, male and female.” He also states that there is a clear consensus among anthropologists on this definition. What a whopper. Check out what the AAA has to say about his position.

Stanton is not a new face to those of us in Massachusetts who had to defend our families against his ersatz research at the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court in the ultimately victorious 2003 Goodridge case that granted marriage equality. We also came up against a lot of his unsubstantiated research that was distributed by the Massachusetts Family Institute, during subsequent legislative struggles to preserve marriage equality.

When you see Glenn Stanton cited as the “expert,” vet the research–thoroughly. He’s more creative writer than researcher.

Gay Marriage Boon to Massachusetts Economy

Kudos to Lisa van der pool who wrote in the Boston Business Journal on Feb. 28, 2008 about another plus for marriage equality in Massachusetts. Not surprisingly, she asserts that equal treatment of all people attracts talented workers. While there has been much anecdotal documentation of gay and lesbian couples coming to Massachusetts because of the protections that marriage offers, it’s noteworthy that a trade journal like BBJ has published this piece.

Note that the contention of an “exodus of families from Massachusetts because of the same-sex marriage law” by Kris Mineau, a marriage equality opponent, has not been supported in any published story.

Here is van der Pool’s story in its entirety (for those who are not subscribers to BBJ):

Gay marriage attracts out-of-state workforce
Boston Business Journal
– by Lisa van der Pool Journal staff

Massachusetts has a dubious reputation for losing talented workers to less pricey markets. But a trend that runs counter to the talent drain has emerged in the form of the state’s controversial same-sex marriage law.
Massachusetts native Jeffrey Webb loved the Los Angeles lifestyle. He had a great job as a law partner in the L.A. office of Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher LLP, and his life partner, Mark Schuster, was equally happy with his work as chief of general pediatrics and professor at UCLA. “We both had positions that were hard to replicate,” said Webb, 43.

 Even so, Webb and Schuster left the California sunshine in December and moved to Brookline with their twin sons. It wasn’t the promise of enduring a gloomy Massachusetts winter that beckoned them — it was the ability to live in Massachusetts as a legally married couple.

“That was something that was really important to us,” said Webb, who married Schuster in Massachusetts soon after the couple bought a vacation home in Truro in 2004. Webb has since joined the law firm McDermott, Will & Emery LLP as a partner in the trial department, and Schuster is now the chief of general pediatrics and vice chair for health policy research at Children’s Hospital Boston.

Massachusetts has a dubious reputation for losing talented workers to less pricey markets. But a trend that runs counter to the talent drain has emerged in the form of the state’s controversial same-sex marriage law, a powerful lure for same-sex couples who want to live in a place where they can get married, gain legal rights and have access to spousal health benefits. In fact, some observers see the influx of same-sex couples as a boon for the state’s economy.

“Since the marriage law passed, we see a lot more (gay) professionals moving into the Boston area,” said Henry Hoey, a board member of the Greater Boston Business Council, a chamber of commerce for gay professionals. The organization’s membership has increased 5 percent to 1,100 members since last year. “The effects of this law are starting to take hold.”

In 2003, the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court legalized same-sex marriage in a landmark ruling. The decision sparked an intense effort by same-sex marriage opponents to amend the state Constitution; but that effort died in the Legislature last year. Since 2004, 10,168 same-sex couples have said their “I-Do’s” in Massachusetts. And while same-sex nuptials have tapered off since the initial rush in 2004 when 6,121 couples tied the knot — last year 550 same-sex couples got married in the state — that likely reflects an expected leveling off since the law was passed, according to the Massachusetts Registry of Vital Records and Statistics.

The number of same-sex couples who have moved here since 2004 is not tracked by any organization. Martha Livingston, founder and CEO of Inclusive Recruitment LLC, a Boston-based staffing firm that places gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender professionals in welcoming workplaces, has noticed an increase in gay and lesbian couples who have moved or are planning to move to the state.

“There’s a woman that I’m working with right now because she came to Massachusetts so her marriage would be recognized,” said Livingston.
Massachusetts’s population could use some fresh faces. From 2003 to 2005, the population fell to 6,429,137 from 6,438,510, according to estimates from the U.S. Census Bureau. While the population crept back up to 6,449,755 in 2007, according to census estimates, the population grew a mere 1.5 percent from 2000 to 2006.
Not everyone agrees that same-sex marriage will ultimately prove beneficial to the state’s economy.

“We view same-sex marriage as a radical social experiment and to promote it on behalf of the economy is akin to promoting casinos on behalf of the economy,” said Kris Mineau, president of the Massachusetts Family Institute in Woburn. “There’s anecdotal evidence that (there has been) an exodus of families from Massachusetts because of the same-sex marriage law. So there’s two sides to the story.”

It’s not only the legal rights afforded by the Massachusetts law, but also the relatively open-minded political climate of the region that is drawing more gay couples. Lisa Forest and her wife, Anne Marie Willer, both had good jobs and owned their own home in the Dallas area. But in 2006 the couple left Texas for Massachusetts and rented an apartment in Quincy. Forest works at Bridgewater State College, where she launched the college’s GLBTA Pride Center. Willer works as a librarian at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. The couple married in 2006.

“It was a difficult move, but I found the political climate inhospitable,” Forest said of her time in Texas. She and Willer lived there for five years.

“There was a lot of psychological and physical energy that I was investing in just living my day-to-day life, because I had to defend myself against anti-gay sentiment and rhetoric. (But mainly) we were taking too large of financial and legal risks remaining there as strangers, legally,” Forest said.

The state’s same-sex marriage law could provide local businesses with a unique competitive edge, according to Carissa Cunningham, director of public affairs at Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders in Boston.

“Massachusetts has a reputation for fairness both generally and in the specifics that it offers gay and lesbian couples, especially those with children who are concerned about raising their kids in a place that supports their family and protects their legal rights,” said Cunningham. “It makes the state competitive.”

While federal law does not recognize same-sex marriage, the benefits for gay couples who decide to marry on a state level still outweigh the drawbacks, according to Rick Kraft, an attorney who moved from Berkeley, Calif., to Massachusetts with his partner and their daughter in 2004. Benefits include partner health insurance, filing joint state tax returns and automatic inheritance if one spouse dies. One downside to marriage is that in the event of a split, alimony payments are not tax-deductable for same-sex couples, according to Kraft, who focuses his estate planning practice on the legal needs of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.

 “There are hundreds of automatic rights that come to couples when they’re married,” said Kraft, 46.

 Chris Ott, 37, and his partner, David Danaher, 40, decided to leave Wisconsin after the state passed a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage. Ott moved to Cambridge after he sold his home in Madison. Danaher, a professor of Slavic languages at the University of Wisconsin, plans to remain until he finds a post in Boston.

The two haven’t married in Massachusetts yet.

“The passage of that amendment meant that there were going to continue to be legal and financial barriers and hardships which we didn’t want to contend with, especially later in life,” said Ott, communications director at the ACLU’s Boston office. “We wanted to live somewhere where these issues had already been settled.”
Lisa van der Pool can be reached at lvanderpool@bizjournals.com.

California Marriage Equality–“How Long?”

Martin Luther King, Jr. repeatedly asked, “How long?” How long until justice will come?

Just so our gay marriage allies in California like Molly McKay and Davina Kotulski, a couple for 12 years and activists for 10 years on this issue, continue their fight for the civil right of marriage.

King, an inveterate worker in the struggle for justice, persisted doggedly in the face of daunting odds. McKay and Kotulski and their allies in Marriage Equality USA now focus their energies on the California Supreme Court to seek justice. McKay and Kotulski were at the court for the historic argument on March 4, 2008 as were John Lewis and Stuart Gaffney, a couple for over 20 years.

Gaffney explained to interviewers that his interracial parents had to rely on the same court over 60 years ago to be allowed to marry. Now he and his partner Lewis hope the court will grant them the same civil right to marry that it granted to his parents.

The California legislature has voted for marriage equality twice. Twice the governor has vetoed the bill. Couples will not have to continue asking “How long” forever. The court must rule within 90 days. Not long.

Ellen, Murder, and Love in California

My point—and I have one—is that there is a connection between murder and love in the current highly charged culture war going on in California around the issue of marriage equality. Ellen almost makes the point.

 

Today the CA Supreme Court will hear a landmark case that seeks to bring marriage equality to millions of the state’s LGBT citizens. On February 12, 2008, 15 year-old Larry King of Oxnard, CA was murdered by a fellow eighth grader, Brandon, whom he asked to be his Valentine. My argument seems like a leap, but stay with me.

 

Ellen DeGeneres spoke up about Larry’s murder on her Leap Year Show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcMEL3_YsVI 

 

Millions of Ellen’s fans watched her thoughtful commentary on Larry’s murder, and over 137,000 have caught it on YouTube. Her arguments prompted over 840 viewers to write a comment on the YouTube site and 14 others to post video responses. Thousands then watch those videos. Well, you get it, the multiplier effect. When Ellen speaks, millions of fans listen and studio audiences go wild. A very good thing.

 

Ellen talks about the seeds of violence against gay people: punch lines in comedy monologues, gay jokes, verbal and physical abuse that can escalate into murder. I call it The Violence Escalator (see below). Very important information. Had she taken note of the current anti-gay marriage climate that is being whipped up in CA, folks might have made one more important connection. Climates of hate breed violence.

 

Today in California’s highest court, the Alliance Defense Fund and their ilk will argue that gay people are not worthy of marriage equality. For months, paid signature-gatherers funded by anti-marriage equality groups such as the Colorado-based Focus on the Family and the Virginia-based National Organization for Marriage have been all over California spreading the word of hate against gay people. In shopping centers, outside movie theatres, near coffee shops, the public is learning that they can stand up for prejudice and hate by signing the ballot petition for the November 2008 election to put marriage equality discrimination into the California constitution.

 

While I’m grateful to Ellen for what she did say, I wish that she had made that last connection: bigots are actively stirring up hate in California. In a climate of hate, innocent kids like Larry get murdered because they think that they are as free to love as everyone else. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Violence EscalatorViolence starts small but can escalate steadily and rapidly. Here are some of the steps: 

STEP 1 Jokes that disparage classes of people (i.e. women, lesbians, people of color)

STEP 2 Slurs that demean (i.e. “fag,” “bitch,” “gook”)

STEP 3 Threats and blackmail

STEP 4 Bullying that becomes physical

STEP 5 Psychological threats and bullying

STEP 6 Physical violence

STEP 7 Murder