Category Archives: gay marriage

NJ Civil Unions vs. MA Gay Marriage

Posted on February 22, 2008 | 1 comment

Well it took another commission in yet another state to make clear that civil unions are not marriages and thus do not give all the rights, benefits, and privileges of marriage. According to the Philadelphia Inquirer which obtained an early copy of the findings of the NJ Civil Union Review Commission, civil unions in the Garden State have been a failure.

Steven Goldstein who chairs Garden State Equality and who also co-chairs the Civil Union Review Commission had harsh words for the civil unions law saying that it “segegates, discriminates and humiliates the very people it is supposed to protect.”

Members of the New Jersey LGBT community have voted with their feet. As of mid-January only 2, 329 couples have walked into their municipal offices and applied for a civil union license. Despite the posturing of what’s left of the Democratic presidential candidates that civil unions are “as good as” marriages, folks in NJ just do not believe it.

Commission hearings took testimony from 96 people, among them Lynn Fontaine Newsome, president of the NJ State Bar Association, who called NJ civil unions “a failed experiment.”

The findings cite Massachusetts as the only state that has provided LGBT relationship equality. Everyone knows what marriage is. Folks in VT, CT, NJ, and now NH are still trying to figure out what civil unions are. While that is happening, LGBT people are being discriminated against–even though they are in civil unions that are meant to protect them. Or perhaps the civil unions are just meant to give LGBT people a crumb and placate marriage equality opponents.

Massachusetts, with 10,000 same-sex couples married, offers a legitimate object lesson to those who want to study relationship equality in a fair and open-minded way

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Posted in civil unions, gay marriage, New Jersey

Suzanne Brockmann Courts Equality

Posted on February 21, 2008 | 1 comment

Courting equality with romance, thrills, and suspense
by Patricia A. Gozemba
Bay Windows Contributor
Thursday Feb 21, 2008

Reading the dedication to Suzanne Brockmann’s novel Hot Target blew me away. NY Times best-selling romance author Brockmann came out as the mother of a gay son, explained his coming out, lauded PFLAG (Parents Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), and became an instant role model of a straight ally for millions of readers of the romance-thriller-suspense genre. Not exactly the crowd one would routinely target to win over to the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) equality movement. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Read the whole article.

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Posted in civil rights, gay marriage, MA

California Dreamin’

Posted on February 8, 2008 | 1 comment

    The news out of New York and Oregon in the past week has been great. The Empire State will now recognize gay marriages performed outside of its borders. Oregon’s domestic partnership provision has gone into effect. Now this good news is topped off with the news that on March 4, 2008, the top court in California will hear a marriage equality case that has collapsed together four separate cases. Within 90 days the court will render a decision.

California is one of those crucial states that has fought for and against marriage equality at every turn. The legislature has approved marriage equality in two separate votes and Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has vetoed the bills twice. Now the high court will decide. But for those of us who watch California closely the spectre of another vote at the ballot box always looms.

Of course Matthew Staver of Liberty Counsel in Orlando, FL will be in California arguing to uphold a ban on marriage. Of late, Staver has been very busy in Florida helping to round up the necessary signatures to get a vote against gay marriage on the Florida ballot in November, 2008. To the dismay of many of us across the country, the necessary signatures have been obtained. It’s time to get out support for terrific grassroots organizations like Fairness for All Families in Florida and Marriage Equality in California.

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Posted in california, gay marriage

Dads for Lesbian Daughters

Posted on December 11, 2007 | Leave a comment

from the Washington Blade Online

‘Family man’ tries to overturn Wis. gay marriage ban
Wants state to vote on marriage, civil unions as separate questions
(AP) | Dec 10, 3:10 PM

Few people took Bill McConkey seriously when he filed a lawsuit in July trying to overturn Wisconsin’s new ban on gay marriage and civil unions.

The relatively unknown University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh political science instructor was acting as his own lawyer and didn’t have the backing of the state’s major gay rights group.

But his challenge to the amendment — approved by 59 percent of voters last year — has picked up steam in recent weeks.

A Dane County judge ruled the lawsuit can go forward on grounds that McConkey was harmed as a voter by the wording of the question. McConkey claims the referendum illegally asked two questions in one — whether to ban gay marriage and whether to ban civil unions — and he wants the state to vote on each question.

So, who is this guy and why is he doing this? More

What’s great about this story is that we have another father coming out for his lesbian daughter’s civil rights. Bill McConkey joins San Diego mayor Jerry Sanders and probably millions of other fathers who support their children’s right to be legally connected and hopefully married to the person whom they love most in the world.

In suing for his civil right to be able to vote on gay marriage and civil unions as two separate ballot questions, McConkey, a political science professor at UW-Oshkosh presses for his legal rights as well as his daughter’s.

McConkey believes that the Wisconsin electorate would not have defeated civil unions in the 2006 election, but he concedes that gay marriage was probably doomed. He does believe, however, that gay marriage is a constitutional right. “I think ultimately I would say under the U.S. Constitution, the way it’s written, we cannot constitutionally deny the right of gay people to be married. Neither can the government order a church and say you have to marry gay people.”

Sanders like McConkey sees gay marriage as a civil right. He put a lot of his political capital on the line when he came all the way out for his daughter Lisa in pressing for gay marriage. As a California resident, Lisa Sanders, already had the right to enter into a domestic partnership that grants her all the rights and privileges of marriage. But as her dad poignantly noted what she does not have is the right to call herself married. On the day before he was kicking off his re-election campaign, September 19, 2007, he decided to, in his words, “lead with my heart.”

An emotional Mayor Sanders reversed his previous pledge to veto the San Diego City Council’s 5-3 vote to support gay marriage. He cited his acquaintances, staff, and most significantly his daughter, whose rights he could no longer deny. “In the end, I couldn’t look any of them in the face and tell them that their relationships, their very lives, were any less meaningful than the marriage I share with my wife, Rana,” said Sanders.

Ever since I began doing research for Courting Equality, I’ve been consistently impressed with the power of parents in support of their children’s civil rights. Their support is inspired by love and fired by a patriotic belief that all of their kids should have the same rights. In Courting Equality, one of Marilyn Humphries’ compelling photos shows a mother at a 2004 Massachusetts Constitutional Convention holding a sign that reads, “My Son Is Not a Second-Class Citizen.” Her sign says it all!

As parents speak out, politicians begin to listen more intently and then more politicians speak out. As both the electorate and the elected speak out the circle of equality is expanded.

 

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Posted in california, civil rights, civil unions, gay marriage, Massachusetts, Wisconsin

Marriage Equality at Lesbian Herstory Archives

Posted on December 7, 2007 | Leave a comment

I never cease to be inspired by the work of the dedicated volunteers at Lesbian Herstory Archives (LHA) in Brooklyn, NY. Their commitment has continued to keep this important institution that is independently preserving our history, alive and lively. The vision of Joan Nestle and Deb Edel in founding LHA stands as one of the great accomplishments of the contemporary lesbian movement.

Maxine Wolfe, a seasoned lesbian political activist in many realms but notably in the women and HIV/AIDS movement, hosted the full house at the “At Home at the Archives” event featuring Courting Equality on November 25th. Maxine’s volunteer labor is typical of the energy that keeps the archives vital.

Maxine shared with the assembled group how LHA’s files on “marriage” have changed. “Marriage” used to be mostly about lesbians once married to men. Then the topic exploded as countries around the world and various US states became the sites of struggle for same-sex marriage. In the past three years, the files have begun to expand exponentially. The great part of the story is that once again LHA is preserving our herstory.

When Karen Kahn and I presented at LHA, what was distinctive about the event was the spirit of inquiry and the commitment to thoughtful exchange in the dialogue. In a sense, bringing to LHA our presentation about Courting Equality and the civil rights struggle that it details was like returning to our roots of lesbian feminism.

Even after Karen and I had committed to writing Courting Equality in the spring of 2005, we still had not decided that we would marry. We had engaged in the political lobbying for marriage equality as a civil rights struggle but not seen it as a personal goal for ourselves. We believed that marriage was a right that one should be able to exercise, not necessarily a life goal. Our critique of the institution of marriage had deep roots in our lesbian feminism of the 1970s. That same critique of marriage as an institution was held by many who came to LHA on November 25th.

The conversation probed the roots of marriage as it had been critiqued in particular by lesbian feminists in the 1970s. Karen and I were among that lively group of critics in the 1970s and have remained so. One of the thoughts that we came away from LHA with is the possibility that same-sex marriage may just provide the testing ground for new visions and versions of marriage to emerge. The gender stereotyping that feminists critiqued so meaningfully from the 1960s on went a long way towards liberating women and creating new options in our lives.

Lesbian feminist critiques of same-sex marriage may well liberate marriage. What’s critical is keeping the conversation going. What do you think about the possibility of liberating marriage?

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Posted in civil rights, gay marriage, New York

Thank You, Mary Bonauto and GLAD

Posted on November 18, 2007 | Leave a comment

Thank You, Mary Bonauto and GLAD for Four Years of Equality!

 

Four years ago today at a press conference in Boston, on November 18, 2003, Mary Bonauto of Gay Lesbian Advocates&Defenders and the Goodridge plaintiffs taught me an important lesson in American democracy. Their visionary leadership and commitment made me see that marriage equality for LGBT families is an issue of democracy, a fundamental civil right. I had not seen it that way. Marriage was not on my political agenda. I’m a convert now married to Karen Kahn.

If my friend Marilyn Humphries, Bay Windows lead photographer, had not neglected to bring her largest photo flash card in to Boston that day, I might have missed the historic press conference. I got the job of fetching the flash card from Marilyn’s house and schlepping it to the Omni Parker Hotel. I stayed for the press conference. A year and a half later, Karen Kahn and I would begin writing a book featuring Marilyn’s photographs, Courting Equality: A Documentary History of America’s First Legal Same-Sex Marriages (Beacon Press, 2007).

Here’s part of what we said in the book about Nov. 18, 2003:

The Marriage Victory Press Conference

            On the walk over to the Omni Parker House Hotel, Bonauto and the plaintiffs had TV, radio, and print media trailing them and jockeying for the best shots and sound bites. The proud smiles on the faces of the plaintiffs told it all. Bonauto began the press conference. “Wow this is a very, very big day; it’s obviously a historic day . . . because finally all families in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts will have the opportunity to be equal families under the law.” With her voice ringing with conviction, Bonauto gave pause, “A court finally had the courage to say that this really is an issue about human equality and human dignity, and it’s time that the government treat these people fairly.”

            Continuing her effort to ensure that Massachusetts did not adopt civil unions, Bonauto clearly asserted her understanding of the ruling: “The issue in this case was whether or not it was constitutional to exclude same-sex couples from civil, legal, governmental marriages as well as all the protections that flow from that. That’s what the court ruled on today. It didn’t rule on a parallel system.” Bonauto then insisted that the plaintiffs be allowed to speak.

Protections of Marriage

            Julie Goodridge pointed out that the court affirmed what they had always felt: “We are a couple that is worthy of the protections of marriage, and that after 16 and a half years Hillary and I are finally going to be able to get married and protect our family.”

            Gary Chalmers, with Rich Linnell at his side, told the assembled press, “My partner of 15 years, finally after today, will be my official spouse come June. . . . We’ll finally be able to have health insurance and so many other legal benefits we need to keep our family safe and secure.”

Marriage as a Civil Right

            Poignantly, Wilson and Smith, both African American, noted the important civil rights dimension of the decision. Wilson smiled as he asserted, “It means I’m a full citizen with all the rights of a citizen.” Expanding on that point, Smith insisted, “The struggle for people to be treated equal is a long one, and it continues, and it gives me chills to think about that connection.”

            Towards the end of the press conference, the media questioned Bonauto again about why civil unions would not satisfy her clients. Her concise reply had probably been on her mind since the
Vermont legislature invented civil unions. “We think the word ‘marriage’ is one of the important protections because everybody knows what it means.” A TV reporter then asked her if she would get married and the usually very businesslike Bonauto looked down and then with a broad grin looked up, “You betcha!”

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Posted in about authors, gay marriage, Massachusetts, Uncategorized

Goodridge anniversary commentary at Beacon Broadside

Posted on November 17, 2007 | Leave a comment

Take a look at Beacon Broadside, where Karen reflects on the fourth anniversary of the Goodridge decsion, and late summer adventures in Tennessee, Gerogia, and North Carolina (below, a photograph of Karen & Pat with Laurel Scherer and Virginia Balfour, in Asheville, North Carolina). 

 scherer-balfour-asheville-9-5-07.JPG

As we approach the fourth anniversary of Goodridge v. Department of Public Health, the Supreme Judicial Court decision that granted marriage equality to same-sex couples in Massachusetts, I find myself reflecting on the profound impact of this decision in my life. Before November 18, 2003, I had not considered marriage as anything more than an outdated, sexist institution. With the energy of the spurned outsider, I rejected marriage and all its trappings. I had no expectation that, in my life time, same-sex couples would be allowed to participate in this exclusively heterosexual ritual. Read more.

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Posted in about authors, civil rights, gay marriage, lgbt family, MA, Massachusetts

Gay Marriage for Vermont?

Posted on October 16, 2007 | Leave a comment

On October 11 and 12, Karen Kahn and I got to talk with Vermont folks about the success of marriage equality in Massachusetts. The topic is particularly relevant to Vermonters who are now considering gay marriage as a next step in the movement toward equality for LGBT people.

 On Oct. 11th at the University of Vermont, we got to meet David Moats, author of Civil Wars, a wonderful book on the 1999-2000 political struggle in Vermont following the Vermont court’s 1999 decision to give us relationship equality. Moats does a masterful job of taking us inside the Montpelier State House and following in particular the brave work of openly gay Rep. Bill Lippert.

At Burlington College on the 12th, we got to speak on a panel with Lippert. Amazing guy. Thoughtful, big-hearted, and the best spokesperson our community could ever imagine having.

Meeting Moats and Lippert qualifies as the highlight of our 5 months of touring with Courting Equality. Both men are clear thinkers and eloquent.

Vermonters are a fascinating and fiercely independent people and as they now take up the issue of marriage equality–again–the voices of Moats and Lippert are two that I want to be listening to. Check out Moats’ editorial.

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Posted in civil rights, gay marriage, Vermont

“Dear Abby” Supports Gay Marriage

Posted on October 10, 2007 | 18 comments

PFLAG will give its first Straight for Equality award to the woman we know as “Dear Abby.” In an October 5th nationally syndicated column, she came out in support of gay marriage.

It’s sort of like getting approval from your parents, your favorite aunt, your favorite teacher, your thoughful spiritual counselor, and your neighborhood association all at once. The cultural power of “Dear Abby’s” approval is enormous. Even the Associated Press has taken notice of the significance of Abby’s blessing.

While those of us in the struggle for marriage equality often get discouraged by the moneyed fire-power of social conservatives, we are getting incremental support from people who believe in constitutional rights based on liberty and freedom. Abby is one such person–one of the many who the Pew Center keeps telling us is slowly making the turn towards equality for all. She sees us as part of  the “we” in “we the people.”

PFLAG’s national acknowledgement of  “Dear Abby’s” leadership is important. PFLAG is at the cutting edge of hastening approval for gay marriage. In Massachusetts, Greater Boston PFLAG on Sept. 24th launched a project to give a copy of Courting Equality to every high school in Massachusetts. Within the month every high schooler will have an opportunity to see real photos of gay families and to imagine a happy family life for themselves. Even the LGBT kids!

Having heard of the the Greater Boston PFLAG project of getting the book out to every high school, the San Jose/Peninsula, California chapter of PFLAG invited the authors of Courting Equality to come out and speak at their chapter meeting on November 14th.

Straight allies for equality, such as “Dear Abby” and the many Parents, Family, Friends of Lesbians and Gays are creating a sea change of public opinion. We need to keep spreading the word and welcoming their support.

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Posted in civil rights, gay marriage, PFLAG

Gay Marriage, Lexington High, and Mass Resistance

Posted on September 28, 2007 | Leave a comment

“Gay.” “Lesbian.” “Same-sex marriage.” Words you’re not supposed to hear uttered in the Lexington Public Schools that is according to Brian Camenker and his pack at Mass Resistance. But Mass Resistance is not having its way.

PFLAG gave the first of over 240 copies of Courting Equality slated to go to Massachusetts Gay Straight Alliances (GSAs)to the GSA at Lexington High School.

Carla Yengo-Kahn, a sophomore, a Lexington High School accepted on behalf of her school’s GSA. In accepting the book Carla said, “It seems appropriate that we should get the first book going to GSAs. We are from Lexington, the birthplace of the American Revolution that was fought for the very principles of freedom central to our democracy, and appropriately, our educational system.”

She added that the Lexington curriculum includes, all people, all who should be part of “we the people.”

Mass Resistance continues to threaten open, safe, and welcoming school communities that respect all families by including them in the curriculum–especially when they include anything relating to the lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender community. With the David Parker case centering around his and Brian Camenker’s objection to the use of King and King, Lexington has become another battleground.

Chuck Colbert writes this week on the PFLAG meeting and the presentation of Courting Equality and the challenges to democratic education.

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Posted in gay marriage, Gay Straight Alliances, Lexington, lgbt family, MA, Massachusetts, PFLAG