Kath Sands, former professor of religion at UMass-Boston, and her partner Linda Krieger, an attorney, have a marriage license in Massachusetts. But last year, they moved to Honolulu, where they both teach at the university–Kath in American Studies, and Linda at the Richardson School of Law. Linda grew up in Hawaii, and so it was a homecoming of sorts. But here in Hawaii, their marriage isn’t recognized. Like us, they have joined the struggle to pass a civil unions bill this legislative session.
This week’s Honolulu Weekly, features Kath and Linda in an extraodinarily moving story by the paper’s editor Ragnar Carlson. There haven’t been many stories that cover the challenges for married Massachusetts couples who leave our state–and with few exceptions–have to leave the legal recognition of their relationships behind as well. As Carlson says, “For Kreiger and Sands, who had preiously enjoyed equal status under the law, the transition was rough.” Read the full story.
On March 3, 2009, GLAD, with Mary Bonauto acting as lead attorney, opened the first salvo in the battle to overturn the federal Defense of Marriage Act. In particular, GLAD is challenging Section 3 of the law, which denies federal benefits to married same-sex couples. Here’s what The Progress Report, from the Center for America Progress, had to say:
 LAWSUIT TO OVERTURN DOMA: During the campaign, Obama promised to repeal DOMA, noting that “federal law should not discriminate in any way against gay and lesbian couples, which is precisely what DOMA does.” Today, Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders (GLAD) filed the first concerted, multi-plaintiff legal challenge to Section 3 of DOMA. GLAD is representing a group of gay plaintiffs who have been harmed by the federal refusal to recognize their marital rights. Under Section 3, legally married same-sex couples are excluded from any federal law or program that benefits other married individuals. The consequence of Section 3 is that gays and lesbians have been denied spousal protections in Social Security, federal income tax, federal employees’ and retirees’ benefits, and in the issuance of passports. In fact, according to a forthcoming Center for American Progress study by Ben Furnas and Josh Rosenthal, the average same-sex couple “will be denied over $8,000 a year in Social Security survivor benefits upon the death of the higher-earning spouse after retirement.” In Gill et al. v. Office of Personnel Management — filed in federal District Court in Boston — GLAD is arguing that Section 3 is unconstitutional because it violates the federal constitutional guarantee of equal protection and that it is “an unprecedented intrusion by the federal government into marriage law.” “I think one way of looking at it is it’s about change and accepting diversity, and I believe that I’m no different than anybody else,” one plaintiff in the case explained. “I should get the same benefits as any other spouse of a federal employee for 27 years. I think our relationship may look different but it’s ultimately the same.” GLAD believes the suit “may ultimately be decided by the U.S. Supreme Court, which would mark the first time the nation’s highest court heard a major DOMA challenge.”
Brad Ka’iwi Lum became the first Native Hawaiian chanter and kumu hula (teacher of hula) to speak out in favor of HB 444 for Civil Unions at a hearing of the Hawaii Senate Judiciary Committee on February 24th. In coming out as a gay man he broke a long silence in his own life and among kumu hula.
Brad Ka’iwi Lum
Lum has emerged as a force in the civil unions struggle. He is organizing a Candlelight Vigil against discrimination and inequality at the Hawaii State capitol on Saturday, March 7 at 6 pm.Brad’s Testimony
Aloha Chair Taniguchi, Vice Chair Takamine and members of the committee. My name is Bradford Ka’iwi Tin Cheong Lum. I’m a Native Hawaiian Studies Teacher, Kumu Hula of Halau Hula ‘O Ka’iwi, Chanter, Historian, and Teacher of Native Hawaiian Culture. I want to take this time to thank you for giving me the opportunity to testify in strong support of HB444 HD1, the Hawaii Civil Unions Bill.
I would like to tell you my personal story of defeat and triumph as a gay Native Hawaiian, who has chosen to come out and fight for my rights under the law of the Constitution of the State of Hawaii. I was born and raised in the McCully neighborhood of Honolulu. My father was Chinese; my mother, Native Hawaiian , Irish, Dutch, English, and German.
Local music and culture were important to our family, but in 1982 I decided to leave Hawaii for San Francisco, California, to pursue a life where I could be open about who I was. I lived in San Francisco for the next 12 years. I had a secure job with a good income, and I built a network of friends and support that became my ohana.
In 1995 my father asked me to come home to take care of him and my mother. My father had diabetes, gout, high blood pressure, and an aneurism in his stomach, and my mother had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. It was a hard decision to leave San Francisco, where I had built a life and a community. I really did not want to come home, but no one in the family was taking care of my parents and I felt it was my sincere duty to do this.
I returned home and went to work taking care of my mother and father. I took them to doctors and made sure they were well cared for. Because I knew they did not accept my lifestyle, I did not have a social life. I wanted to be a good son and tried my best to build trust, compassion, and love with my parents. But at the same time, I could not be the person I really wanted to be and could not have a relationship with a partner as an adult should have.
My father passed away on December 4, 1996, and my mother passed away on March 1, 2008. I did everything that I could to make sure that my parents where well taken care of and to fulfill their every wish. But within me, there was a wounding, crippling, alienating, painful battle. In consideration of my parents, I could not be the person I am today: a prophetic leader of liberation, service, and body and spirit integration. Today I am a mentor, but I am exiled by my own family because I have made a decision to love another man and develop a deeper meaning of kinship so I can be happy and content for the rest of my life.
Many people have thanked me for changing my life for the better, for inspiring them to change their lives as well. As soon as my mother passed away, I felt I could live consciously and responsibly. I have decided to be vibrant and alive, to fully embrace my destiny, to be mindful of every moment, every encounter no matter how seemingly insignificant, and to have the potential for radical transformation of myself and my partner or even of a whole civilization.
I now consider myself as a pioneer of civil union rights for Native Hawaiians because most Hawaiians consider coming out shameful. We keep our sexual orientation a secret from the outside world, but I believe that such actions inhibit our ability to grow and have a sense of freedom. Holding this secret blocks our ability to become liberators and life-giving contributors to our island life style and to honor our contributions—big or small—to our community. When nongay people oppress us or label us, it challenges me to liberate myself: to teach love and commitment to one another, to embrace tolerance, and to claim love without the support of a dominant culture. And it teaches me not to discriminate against others, no matter their personal choices or beliefs.
As a pioneer, I am a trailblazer for others to follow. In our day-to-day struggles to survive I have become a leader not only for Native Hawaiian rights but of all people in Hawaii. I know for a fact that in coming out and becoming a model for others, I have bettered my own life and made it possible for me to contribute something important to our island lifestyle. HB 444 HD1 takes me out of the dark past that I have endured and gives me courage. It gives back to all of us the extraordinary possibilities and outrageous adventures that await if we uncross our fingers and take a deep breath and embrace our destiny to be the best we can be.
Civil Unions should be part of our society, because this change in law tells those of us who love people of the same-sex that we are part of the definition of “Ohana,†family. It’s hard for us as island people to talk about our sexuality and to support such a measure; for many of us, it is hard to come out to our family and communities. But our strength as island people is that we have “Hanohano,†tolerance, “Ha’aheo†pride, and we have “Aloha,†love. We must not discount where we come from and our Native Hawaiian roots. As a small island community, let us not ostracize people who are different. Civil Unions are about “Kuleana,†responsibility, and “Malama,†taking care of each other and, most importantly, “Ho’omalu,†protecting the good for all people in Hawaii.
Honolulu, February 22–Misguided Christian fundamentalists, many of whom are politicians, rallied approximately 2,000 of their flock to the Hawai’i state capitol to try to give credence to the point that the downfall of civilization is epitomized by the granting of the civil right of civil unions to same-sex couples. Across town, LGBT people and their allies peacefully stood up for themselves.
Tara O’Neill captured the faces of some of these folks. She skillfully juxtaposes their faces with the aspirational words of our President Barack Obama and patriotic music.
My wife Karen Kahn and I are happy to be in this video, Support HB 444. Spread the word about this video to your friends and allies!
On March 5th the California Supreme Court will hear arguments on the constitutionality of Proposition 8. Opponents of marriage equality will have the infamous Ken Starr representing them and arguing in essence that the 18,000 same-sex couples married in California must divorce. The Courage Campaign brings us a touching video on what Starr’s assault on marriage will mean.
Hey Finally somebody in California got the idea that putting real gay people in the public relations materials might be a good idea. Dianne Feinstein, the Governator, and the rest of the abstract blatherers about our civil rights didn’t work. Now some folks with courage and common sense are presenting the gay and lesbian families whose civil rights have been voted on by the majority. And whose civil rights have been taken away by a slim plurality.
The Obama Family is not threatened by our families. Now we have partners to work with. Finally, LGBT families are gaining credibility and respectability at the level of the White House.
At the very moment that Barack Obama legally became president, 12:01 p.m. on January 20th (even before the swearing in), the Obama administration website went live. Support for our families is there.
So as Rick Warren prepared for his moment in the sun, the Obama administration was demonstrating real support for us. It’s worth checking out the White House site, but here are some highlights:
• Support Full Civil Unions and Federal Rights for LGBT Couples: President Obama supports full civil unions that give same-sex couples legal rights and privileges equal to those of married couples. Obama also believes we need to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act and enact legislation that would ensure that the 1,100+ federal legal rights and benefits currently provided on the basis of marital status are extended to same-sex couples in civil unions and other legally-recognized unions. These rights and benefits include the right to assist a loved one in times of emergency, the right to equal health insurance and other employment benefits, and property rights.
• Oppose a Constitutional Ban on Same-Sex Marriage: President Obama voted against the Federal Marriage Amendment in 2006 which would have defined marriage as between a man and a woman and prevented judicial extension of marriage-like rights to same-sex or other unmarried couples.
• Expand Adoption Rights: President Obama believes that we must ensure adoption rights for all couples and individuals, regardless of their sexual orientation. He thinks that a child will benefit from a healthy and loving home, whether the parents are gay or not.
Now it’s time for us to keep up the pressure and get the rights our families deserve. We’ve never had a better friend in the White House. We should not give up the struggle for full marriage equality. For now, it’s important to achieve social and economic justice.
Well, we all watched to see the bone that was being thrown to us. To be fair, being offered the prayer slot in the all-star lineup of the We Are One concert wasn’t all that bad. I know that the Big Homophobe, Rick Warren, got the primo spot, the Invocation at the Inauguration, but we did get a bone . . .. Or so I thought until I listened to the concert on NPR. No Gene Robinson. I went over to a friend’s later to watch the HBO rebroadcast of We Are One. Robinson was not there either.What a joke.You can catch Gene on YouTube below. Meanwhile, here’s the prayer.
“O God of our many understandings, we pray that you will…Bless us with tears – for a world in which over a billion people exist on less than a dollar a day, where young women from many lands are beaten and raped for wanting an education, and thousands die daily from malnutrition, malaria, and AIDS.
Bless us with anger – at discrimination, at home and abroad, against refugees and immigrants, women, people of color, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.
Bless us with discomfort – at the easy, simplistic “answers” we’ve preferred to hear from our politicians, instead of the truth, about ourselves and the world, which we need to face if we are going to rise to the challenges of the future.
Bless us with patience – and the knowledge that none of what ails us will be “fixed” anytime soon, and the understanding that our new president is a human being, not a messiah.
Bless us with humility – open to understanding that our own needs must always be balanced with those of the world.
Bless us with freedom from mere tolerance – replacing it with a genuine respect and warm embrace of our differences, and an understanding that in our diversity, we are stronger.
Bless us with compassion and generosity – remembering that every religion’s God judges us by the way we care for the most vulnerable in the human community, whether across town or across the world.
And God, we give you thanks for your child Barack, as he assumes the office of President of the United States.
Give him wisdom beyond his years, and inspire him with Lincoln’s reconciling leadership style, President Kennedy’s ability to enlist our best efforts, and Dr. King’s dream of a nation for ALL the people.
Give him a quiet heart, for our Ship of State needs a steady, calm captain in these times.
Give him stirring words, for we will need to be inspired and motivated to make the personal and common sacrifices necessary to facing the challenges ahead.
Make him color-blind, reminding him of his own words that under his leadership, there will be neither red nor blue states, but the United States.
Help him remember his own oppression as a minority, drawing on that experience of discrimination, that he might seek to change the lives of those who are still its victims.
Give him the strength to find family time and privacy, and help him remember that even though he is president, a father only gets one shot at his daughters’ childhoods.
And please, God, keep him safe. We know we ask too much of our presidents, and we’re asking FAR too much of this one. We know the risk he and his wife are taking for all of us, and we implore you, O good and great God, to keep him safe. Hold him in the palm of your hand – that he might do the work we have called him to do, that he might find joy in this impossible calling, and that in the end, he might lead us as a nation to a place of integrity, prosperity and peace.”
/* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:”Table Normal”; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:””; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:”Times New Roman”; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} Pat Gozemba”Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality,” quipped Jon Stewart to Governor Mike Huckabee on the December 9th Daily Show. Let’s remember that line. It stopped the erstwhile evangelical presidential candidate, Huckabee of Arkansas, cold.
And while I’m on Arkansas, let’s remember Arkansas is the state where voters just supported a ban on allowing unmarried (read LGBT) couples from adopting children or even becoming foster parents. Huckabee supported that ban and he continues to call homosexuality a choice. And his logic goes: if it’s a choice, it can be un-chosen.
Appropriately, Stewart asked the governor, “At what age did you choose not to be gay?†The governor had no answer. Stewart chided him, “You’re not being asked to marry a guy.†Huckabee’s response, a big old “aw shucks†smile.
Pushing his new book, “Do the Right Thing†(couldn’t Huckabee do the right thing himself and think up a new title instead of stealing Spike Lee’s), the very righteous governor trotted out the old canards against marriage equality. He recited the litany: anatomically gay couples are unfit to procreate, 5,000 years of recorded human history (back to the Old Testament) says marriage is between a man and a woman, and now 30 states have voted that marriage is one man and one woman. (Stewart pointed out that in 30 states more folks voted for McCain than Huckabee). Â
Stewart knows his stuff. He came back at the Old Testament’s moral authority by noting its support of polygamy and slavery. He pointed out that marriage wasn’t a sacrament until the Twelfth Century and that for a long time it was nothing more than a property arrangement. He wondered if Huckabee had thought about the prohibition of people of different races marrying. Huckabee just smiled, preparing to recite his next inane objection to marriage equality: the definition of marriage.
How could society change the definition of marriage, Huckabee wondered incredulously? Stewart had just pointed out that throughout history, the definition has changed many times. Non-sequiturs are standard operating procedure for the religious right. “They’re asking people to redefine the word,†Huckabee blustered. “They have a lot of work to do to convince . . . the American people.â€
At his point, Stewart rose to eloquence on the self-righteous posturing about the semantic absolutism of the definition of marriage. “It’s a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to have to make their case that they deserve the same basic rights as someone else. It seems like semantics is cold comfort . . ..†Â
In essence, Huckabee wants us to know: You’re a same-sex couple. You don’t fit the definition. Sorry, that’s the definition and the definition cannot change. Stewart’s forthrightness in arguing the case of marriage equality to an evangelical absolutist is an excellent primer for all of us who still have to argue for our civil right to marriage. And besides, he does it with such good humor. Take a look:
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(Tip of the hat to Cathy Burack for sending the link to Stewart on YouTube)
Patricia A. Gozemba
For those who doubt the efficacy of nation-wide rallies like last Saturday’s about Prop 8, I have two words: Wanda Sykes. It was worth dragging thousands of us out from Honolulu to Portland, Maine to have Wanda Sykes show up at a Las Vegas rally and come out to the world.
 Married for just 10 days before the Prop 8 vote torpedoed marriage equality in California, Sykes and her wife are in marriage limbo along with 17, 999 other couples. Hopefully Sykes’s public reflection on being in the closet will resonate with those in the LGBT community, still not ready to come out.
When Sykes told the crowd, “You know, I don’t really talk about my sexual orientation. I didn’t feel like I had to. I was just living my life, not necessarily in the closet, but I was living my life. Everybody that knows me personally, they know I’m gay. But that’s the way people should be able to live their lives. Now, I gotta get in their face.â€
Yeah, Wanda, we all have to come out. We can assume that people who voted for Prop 8 didn’t know that you were gay. Maybe that would have shifted opinions. I can imagine a great 30 second ad with you and your wife. California could have used some gay people in their ads for sure. The elegant logic in “Wanda Sykes on Gay Marriage,†is a winner. “If you don’t believe in same-sex marriage, then don’t marry someone of the same-sex.â€
Okay, Wanda, now that you’re out, I want more. You were right “our community was attacked†by the vote on Prop 8. Your logic, “We shouldn’t have to be out here demanding something that we should automatically have as citizens of this country.†Wanda, tell the world. Feel free to get in the face of those who don’t believe that you are as good as they are. It will make a difference. Everyone’s coming out does.
Last week, America voted for hope, not fear. For peace, not war. For love, not hatred. The election of Barack Obama represents what is best in the American spirit—fairness, equality, respect for hardworking people, a belief in a better tomorrow. It has been a long time coming. As Obama has said again and again over the last 21 months, America is a nation defined by its continued desire to form “a more perfect union.”
Unfortunately, for the LGBT community, voters who went to the polls in record numbers on Tuesday, voted their fears on the issues that matter to us most—respect for our families. We lost votes on marriage equality in three states: California, Florida and Arizona. And in Arkansas, voters banned unmarried couples from serving as foster or adoptive parents. This measure, clearly aimed at gay families, is perhaps the most damaging of this year’s initiatives in that it so blatantly carries the message that gay people are harmful to children.
Courting Equality 
