Category Archives: gay marriage

Being Mayor Sanders Daughter

Posted on September 28, 2007 | Leave a comment

San Diego Mayor Jerry Sanders has come over from the dark side. His daughter made it happen. She came out.

But I wonder what must it have been like to be the daughter of Sanders when he was saying that he would not support same-sex marriage? How did she feel knowing that the city council supported her civil right to marry but her father did not? Ahh, Mary Cheney comes to mind. But Jerry Sanders has shown that he is no Darth Vader Cheney.

Sanders has a heart as he showed at his press conference. See the video.

But still my thoughts are with the lesbian daughter. Will she now go and work for the HRC? Get a million dollar advance to write a book? Will she ever be able to tell what it was like to live with a father who did not support her right to happiness?

Coming out–all the way out. Still the most radical of acts for an LGBT person.

I hope that she has the heart of her father.

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Posted in california, gay marriage

Straight Allies in Asheville

Posted on September 8, 2007 | Leave a comment

When progressive activists Frank and Margaret Adams learned that we were going to present on marriage equality at Highlander’s 75th Anniversary outside of Knoxville, TN, they insisted that we come to their home town of Asheville, NC and do a reading and presentation. Frank, a former director of Highlander, and Margaret, both in their 70’s know what struggles for equality look like and they have always been ready to become involved. Agitating and organizing against economic, racial, environmental, you-name-it discrimination  are part of their daily lives–have been for years. Now they are allies for marriage equality. 

In Frank Adams’ 1975 book Unearthing Seeds of Fire (now in its fifth printing), he shares compelling stories of the work of allies in struggles for justice–the motivating force of Highlander. Now he and Margaret are unearthing other seeds of fire in this struggle for marriage equality. They are motivated by a deep appreciation of  what Frank calls “freedom’s joy.”

What many LGBT people in the marriage equality movement do not understand is how many allies we have in the straight community around the country. The compelling factor for most of these allies is knowing someone in the LGBT community.  Frank and Margaret know many LGBT people, but others sometimes know only their child or their co-worker or their friend. In Courting Equality, a woman holds a sign that reads, “My Son Is Not a Second-Class Citizen.” Few legislators in Massachusetts argued with that. That mother’s activism and the activism of others in Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) held great sway with our legislators.

The important step for those of us striving for gay marriage equality is to come out. Very old concept. Very effective strategy. We have many straight allies in Asheville, NC,and we have many committed LGBT people who are building alliances. On September 5th over 60 people came out to Malaprop’s Books to learn about Courting Equality. At least six ministers were in the audience, three of them straight. These allies are critical to our achieving full equality.

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Posted in gay marriage, Religious Allies

Ersatz Gay Marriage: “Confusing Twilight Zone”

Posted on August 24, 2007 | 1 comment

 The majority of Democratic presidential candidates and even some folks who consider themselves fair-minded pretend that supporting civil unions–the separate but equal remedy for gay family relationships– gives us our civil rights. Across the country, however, LGBT experience in domestic partnerships, reciprocal beneficiary relationships, and yes, civil unions, has demonstrated  that it just isn’t so.

CA is stepping into the foreground, again, to argue in court that only marriage is equal. Ersatz gay marriage just does not cut it.

Courts, politicos, opinion leaders, and those committed to true equality should stop ignoring the success of gay marriage in MA for the past three years.

MA is the only state in which committed LGBT couples have clear rights and responsibilities because they are married. Everyone knows what marriage is. Only attorneys state by state really know what the distinctions are between a civil union in NJ or CT or VT and soon in NH. Or a domestic partnership is in CA. Or what a reciprocal beneficiary protection is in Hawaii.

When the ACLU, Equality California, the National Center for Lesbian Rights, and Lambda Legal filed briefs last week in a coordinated case in CA seeking marriage rights for gay people, the challenge for full equality had its basis in the inequalities of domestic partnerships and it could have an anchor in reality on the East Coast of the country. MA has proved that marriage equality works.

The Advocate of Aug. 23 reported that Lambda Legal senior counsel Jennifer Pizer said in a statement that anything less than marriage is a “confusing twilight zone” for gay and lesbian couples. “We know this because we answer the distress calls every day—calls that began with the first statewide domestic partner bill in 1999 and haven’t slowed as the law broadened over the years. To the contrary, the distress calls have increased as more couples register, hoping to shield their families, and encounter inconsistent, incomplete protections. We’ve welcomed the supreme court’s invitation to explain how far domestic partnerships fall short of full marriage.”

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Posted in california, gay marriage, Uncategorized

Poll in NJ Shows Huge support for Gay Marriage

Posted on August 17, 2007 | 1 comment

Is it a surprise to anyone that the NJ  poll conducted between Aug. 8-10 shows twice as much support for gay marriage as there is opposition? 63% favor same-sex marriage.  And just to quell the timid hearts of legislators, 72% of those polled (that’s 9% more than are in favor of marriages over civil unions) also said that taking a position in favor of gay marriage would not jeopardize the election of any legislators in the next election. So why would any legislators hold back? More 

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Posted in gay marriage, New Jersey, Uncategorized

Debating gay marriage

Posted on August 4, 2007 | 2 comments

Cynthia Laird reports in the Bay Area Reporter (8/2/07) that the East Bay LGBT Democratic Club in Berkeley had a lively discussion about the pros & cons of gay marriage.

Former club president Tom Broughan argued that the marriage fight is likely to lead to even more states passing constitutional amendments that ban marriage–and often legal recognition of any sort for gay couples. According to Laird,

Brougham clarified that much of his concern with the current situation arises from the fact that 18 states ban same-sex marriage and civil unions and domestic partnerships in their constitutions, while eight states ban same-sex marriage. Twenty states have laws against same-sex marriage. Two states – New Mexico and Rhode Island – leave the matter undefined, and one state – Massachusetts – allows same-sex marriage.

California’s domestic partner registry includes all of the state rights granted to married couples. The state’s marriage battle is currently being waged in the state Supreme Court and in the legislature, where a gender-neutral marriage bill is pending in the Senate.

Brougham argued that the community has lost in every ballot fight except one (Arizona), “and we still have anti-marriage laws on the books.”

He’s also afraid that such efforts “will take down domestic partnerships.”

Brougham may be right that it has been difficult to fight anti-gay-marriage amendments, but we shouldn’t be fooled into thinking that civil unions offer real equality. As we all know, civil unions and domestic partnerships are politically palatable because they maintain the status quo view that gay people aren’t really worthy of marriage. When we push the envelope, we force heterosexuals to examine why this is the case. That forced introspection dramatically changed the landscape for lgbt families in Massachusetts. Real equality is worth the fight. Besides, pandora’s box has been opened, and we’re not going away.

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Posted in california, civil rights, gay marriage

NM Should Lead the Way in MA

Posted on August 2, 2007 | Leave a comment

Marriage: Let New Mexico work it outBoston Globe, Editorial, August 2, 2007

Since the Massachusetts Department of Public Health isn’t a family court in Albuquerque, it shouldn’t have to interpret New Mexico’s marriage rules. Yet under a 1913 Massachusetts law, out-of-state couples cannot marry here if their union would be illegal at home. So DPH, which includes the Registry of Vital Records and Statistics, had to pass judgment on whether New Mexico forbids same-sex marriage. It does not, the department concluded last week. While we hope New Mexico will uphold equal rights for all, that state can set its own policies. The Massachusetts law is an ugly throwback to a time when interracial marriages were allowed here but banned in much of the rest of the country. It should be repealed.

Amen. The 1913 law should have been repealed years ago. It will be.

The real challenge in today’s Globe editorial is offered to marriage equality activists in New Mexico. They now have a great opportunity to show the way in our country’s march toward full citizenship for LGBT people.

Massachusetts’s firm commitment to equality through all levels of state government now makes it possible for LGBT people in a few other states to benefit from our state’s leadership. There is a great opportunity for people from NM to seek justice in MA and then return home to begin the transformation process of making gay marriage a reality in more states.

NM Gov. Bill Richardson is committed to pushing for domestic partnerships with all the rights and benefits of marriage. Let’s hope that he can be pushed beyond this separate-but-equal solution.

 The first brave steps, however, must be taken by LGBT citizens of NM who come here to marry. I’m calling my friends in NM and inviting them here for a beautiful Massachusetts summer wedding. Let freedom ring!

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Posted in civil rights, gay marriage, New Mexico

Anti-Equality Amendment in the works in California?

Posted on July 19, 2007 | Leave a comment

from the San Diego Union Tribune July 18, 2007:

SACRAMENTO – For years religious conservatives have tried to roll back the increasing number of marriage rights that same-sex couples get as registered domestic partners.

For years they have failed either to get their bills through the Democratic-controlled Legislature or to raise the money to put a new ballot measure before voters. More

Equality California and their allies could look to Massachusetts for hope and a demonstration of the reality of same-sex marriage. In Massachusetts, we’ve had three years of marriage equality. All of the dire predictions about chaos and the impending harm to the institution of marriage have proved unfounded. Opponents of marriage equality used to have the power of prediction on their side. It’s now been taken away by the triumph of gay marriage in our state.

Stripped down to their essential argument, the religious conservatives have just one point to make: marriage equality is not compatible with their religious views. BUT we do live in a country where the separate of church and state is a fundamental point on which we all supposedly agree. What the religious conservatives are demonstrating over and over in every state in this country is this: they do not believe in the separation of church and state.

We need to pay more attention to this threat to our democracy.

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Posted in california, gay marriage

Book Recounts Marriage Fight in Massachusetts

Posted on July 17, 2007 | Leave a comment

    Cynthia Laird of the Bay Area Reporter makes the connection between our struggle in Massachusetts for marriage equality and the continuing struggle in California. She sees Courting Equality as a way for gay marriage advocates to share strategies that worked and to take heart that full equality is not just a hope. Laird is particularly impressed with the photographic work of Marilyn Humphries. Read on . . . 

Bay Area Reporter
Published 07/12/2007
by Cynthia Laird
With the marriage equality battle heating up in California, same-sex couples and others might want to check out Courting Equality , a coffee-table book that recounts the battle for gay marriage in Massachusetts.

Released in May to coincide with the three-year anniversary of legal marriage in Massachusetts, Courting Equality (Beacon Press, $34.95) contains more than 100 photos by photographer Marilyn Humphries, with a detailed history by co-authors and spouses Patricia A. Gozemba and Karen Kahn.

In a telephone interview last week, Gozemba, 66, said that she and Kahn, 51, were familiar with Humphries’s photography work well before embarking on the collaboration. But it was a former San Francisco Chronicle reporter, Evelyn White, who suggested that they do a book, she said.

“The photos were at the heart of the whole thing,” Gozemba said. “Marilyn’s been in Boston for the last 27 years, documenting our community.” More

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Posted in california, gay marriage, photographs, Reviews, Uncategorized

O’Donnell: Civil Unions Not Working in N.J.

Posted on July 13, 2007 | 1 comment

While it seems politically incorrect in some circles to not pay homage to the gradual step to equality represented by civil unions, Daniel O’Donnell braved the backlash of LGBT moderates in The New York Times on July 13th (“This O’Donnell Picks His Fights . . .). “Civil unions aren’t really working in New Jersey. Marriage is an understood concept, and the reality is, until I’m able to say, ‘This is my spouse,’ it just doesn’t carry the same weight.” It’s an “emperor has no clothes” reality check.

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Posted in gay marriage, New York

R.I. Fails to Advance Marriage Equality

Posted on July 12, 2007 | Leave a comment

This legislative session, R.I. failed to emerge as one of the New England states leading the nation to marriage equality. In the final hours, the governor vetoed domestic partnership benefits for state employees. According to Jenn Steinfeld, Executive Director of Marriage Equality Rhode Island (MERI), the legislature also failed to move ahead several other bills advancing LGBT family equality. EDGE Boston reports:

The Rhode Island General Assembly failed to show their support for Rhode Island same-sex couples and their families by allowing the majority of the MERI platform of domestic partner protections to die without a vote.“We are particularly disappointed in the lack of leadership demonstrated by our elected officials in a year where every other New England state has taken great strides to expand the protections available to same-sex couples and their families,” emphasized Steinfeld.

MERI proposed seven bills proposing protections for same sex couples, in addition to bill S-619. These bills referred to testimony rights, family medical leave, funeral planning, nursing home visitation, ability to sue in a case of wrongful death, and two same-sex marriage bills.

Read more of Tanya Rogers story at EDGE Boston.

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Posted in civil rights, gay marriage, lgbt family, Rhode Island